This is a live show I wrote. It was performed as part of Toronto Sketchfest 2016.
Read the script.
Hot Water Internet Theory
I want to sell a product that makes it so when your internet goes out, your hot water also stops working. That way your cold water might warn you of the situation before you’d otherwise know. You’re probably thinking, “Well, having no hot water just makes the internet being out worse than it already is,” but I’d argue life doesn’t get any worse than when the internet’s out. It’s like trying to subtract from an infinite negative.
The Detective is a Lying Child
Here's my idea for a short film:
Our protagonist, CHARLIE (10-years-old), found out that TAMMY (his enemy) got the high score on an arcade game at the local pizza shop. Charlie goes to the pizza shop and convinces the OWNER that he is a detective with the police force. “And we’re looking for information about what a regular customer of yours, Tammy, did on the night of the 23rd." And the owner remembers. “First she got a slice of pepperoni, and then she had two diet sodas.” Eventually, in his recollection, they get to the arcade game, and Charlie asks the owner for information about what Tammy did while she was playing the game. The owner remembers every - every - thing. "And after she left the Crystal Maze, where did she go?" Charlie finds out exactly how Tammy got the high score, and then does even better and achieves the high score himself. In all the excitement, Charlie's detective disguise falls off. The owner is upset and says the only real winners are people who tell the truth, and that Charlie is banned forever - FOREVER - from his pizza shop.